Dear Santa,
You have probably never received a letter like this. I’m a dog! I don’t know if you have ever received a letter from a dog, but we’re in lots of houses and don’t often get a chance like this to write. I’m ‘writing’ to you with great difficulty because I have paws. They don’t make it easy to type, and I can’t grip a pen, not to mention opening the tiny slot at a mailbox. Believe me, sealing an envelope is not a trick I’ve been taught. I’m a rescue and they love me, and gift me with all sort of ‘dog toys’ and that’s my problem.
My parents, Buzz and Kathleen are basically good to me, but if they see this letter, I’m toast!  They left the house for a while, so I nudged the mouse thing on the desk and was able to utilize ChatGPT (I taught it dog speak mode) to write this out. It reacts to words like “treats,” “walkies,” “good boy,” and even “fetch”. As I am a dog, it’s a limited vocabulary.
I’m not a complainer but don’t hold a piece of meat in front of me that you won’t eat, because it’s fatty. (I’m OK with eating fat, just don’t expect some sort of trick like sitting up and whimpering for it.) Oh, I’ll catch it if you throw it in my general direction because my mouth is faster than the speed of light when there’s a delicacy around. Try doing that with the cat and see who scratches the new leather chair.
Here’s the situation Santa. They have provided me with several squeaky toys. They never realized it would drive them crazy when I constantly bite down and make that noise again and again. I like the sound. The cat confided in me it’s almost like the sound a mouse makes when cornered.
To humans it’s sort of like chalk going south on a chalk board. Over and over and over. I don’t know when to stop, but then again, I’m a dog.
My problem is this, the toys have gotten ‘doggy gorp’ all over them and my humans don’t like to drag them out from under the couch. This reduces my play time.
Really Santa, belly rubs and longer walks are what I crave and I’m not that enamored with a gorpy toy that has lost its squeak due to my constant chewing. Can’t China make a toy that will last? When I chewed through one of them, I thought I had lost its little squeaker, but the cat had found it, stepped on it and scared itself. It tried to jump out of the way and its paw landed in the water dish. That was funny!
Santa, is there a squeaky toy that can dry quickly, or a quieter toy shaped like a shoe which will placate me and calm down the humans? I’ve even seen the cat trying to cover its ears when I can’t stop squeaking it. If you can get a video of that action, send it in to America’s Funniest Videos, you might win enough to buy some decent toys!
