Driving a car in the Miami area is equal to the pain of pulling out your own fingernails. At least that kind of pain will subside with medication.
Drivers in South Florida have been warned of major road work on I-95. Thank you for the heads up. That gives us time to ‘prepare’. What kind of ‘preparation’ will we need? The short answer is ‘Preparation H’. It could be a healing salve for all the pain we’ll endure sitting on our butts in the traffic. It has been estimated that south Florida drivers spend more time in traffic than with their barista. This has to end!
When we drive, we morph into a hybrid being who will not give an inch, will not stop completely at any stop sign and will not allow anyone and I MEAN ANYONE to butt in front of us at the exit no matter how helpless or what type of menacing glance they happen to throw our way.
It all comes down to this:
I’ve never heard of a “driver annoyance index” but have learned that we, in Miami, scored a 98.5 out of 100 in a survey conducted by people who will probably never want to come here and partake in the roadside anxieties we revel in every day. (This is why we hardly ever leave our zip code. If you must, do so between 10AM and get back by 2)
We have recently been ranked as having the most aggressive and annoying drivers in the U.S. Out of 340 million of us, we’re number one! Okay, now what do we do with that information? Most of us will dismiss it and continue on our merry way. We can take solace in the fact that we’re not as bad as North Dakota who ranks number one with the most driving incidents (64 per 1,000 drivers) A typical driving incident involves being rear ended after stopping short to witness a bison doing its business on the side of the road. Out of the many ways we can annoy the other drivers, none of them include stopping our car to witness our own local invasive species doing the same thing as their bison.
Will the new driverless cars from Waymo work here? No! You can’t ‘flip off’ a driverless car! There’s no one to be mad at. What’s the use?
The best thing we can do is band together behind the wheel and it’s a group of people who have been maligned, cursed at and looked down upon, yet they are average everyday citizens like you and me. There are more of them than there are lobbyists in Tallahassee and with a group this huge you would expect their impact to be larger than the tonnage of underpriced third-world imports to Wal-Mart. But no, my friends, they are scattered, individual and without representation. If they should band together and act as one, their impact would be as huge as an exploding sun.
Who are they?
They’re the largest unregulated, unrepresented and leaderless group of our fellow Americans. They are the bad drivers; people who get yelled at in traffic for cutting in front of you at the exit, coasting through a stop sign or driving slower than you in the left lane. Enough with the disrespect! Let’s unionize!
All you need is a vehicle, a cell phone and a ‘me first attitude’
Once we form a union, we’ll have the clout to say, “who are you to tell me how to drive”?
There’ll be no dues, no slogans and most importantly, no pesky rules and regulations to memorize. Instead of an official handshake, you’ll only use one finger.
All is equal on the road, from the hybrid to the Hummer, the slow boat to the speedster. Right now, you’re asking yourself is a ‘Driver’s Union’ a joke? Get on the road after 2PM and you tell me.
