Dear Alpo,
Our town has a dog park and due to forces beyond our control, we feel the need to expand it to include other animals based on some local fox sightings and the ensuing flap on social media. I don’t know if a ‘Yeti’, the abominable snowman from the movie Monsters Inc. could be included, because it was moved around a number of times and could have actually ended up in the dog park by a prankster. We’re so inclusive here!
Anyway, if you would like to sponsor the expansion, we would be honored to name the whole thing after your company.
We eagerly await your reply.
The Dog Park Committee of Miami Springs, Florida
PS
Actually, there is some urgency to this matter, and if you have a moment to spare from your busy day of feeding dogs all across America, I’ll tell you about it.
Our small town is a tree city and a bird sanctuary, and we have great city services. Our neighborhoods are filled with wonderful people who help each other, and our dog park is another source of pride for the community.
Here’s the crux of the matter. You see, the people from Friskies cat food got wind of the dog park, so to speak, and, well, you know how territorial cats are; they wanted in. Friskies represented a small, albeit vocal group of felines and were purr-fectly (I couldn’t resist) willing to share the cost if we would consider calling it the Miami Springs Cat and Dog Park.
Of course, cats would be welcome in a dog park but they would be on their own, much like a network censor at a major awards presentation. They would have to constantly be on their toes and be ready for the worst.
After thinking about it, you don’t walk cats. Cats walk you. You really can’t get a cat to go where it doesn’t want to go, so the felines who want in, would probably be tough street cats and wouldn’t take any guff from a dog. That means random cat and dog skirmishes. The dog owners might not go for that.
The situation was further complicated when someone tipped off Hartz Mountain Pet Care Products. They thought they could chirp in a little money (bird joke!) and then we would have to call it a dog, cat and bird park. I’ve never seen someone walk a bird, but we could hang the cages around the park to get a rise out of the cats, which would provide entertainment for the dog owners. Come to think of it, if you add birds, then the fish people would feel left out. My argument was that you can’t walk a fish but go tell that to the walking catfish. Talk about a fish out of water!
By now the sign at the entrance is 6 feet long.
The committee discussed the fish people and decided to invite them and the bird owners. When we invited the bird owners, the wild parrot population heard about it and threatened a legal action. As it is, the wild parrots who call our town home, would flock there just to harass the dogs and they would buzz the cats as well. I would hate to think of what could happen if a slow parrot and a fast cat meet up. The caged birds would see all the fun the wild birds were having, and they’d want their freedom too!
Then there’s the case of Charlie’s pet Iguana. He says the Iguana, who’s recovering from a tree fall during the last cold snap, is quite tame and could use a little company; besides, Charlie would fill in any holes the Iguana digs. We like Charlie, so he’s in.
At this point you’re probably thinking, “What a can of worms”, uh, wait a minute, gosh; we forgot about the worms!
Never mind!
Respectfully,
The ex Dog Park committee of Miami Springs
