How to do more with less? Here’s the ubiquitous energy drink. Note to self: Of course, NOTHING can take the place of a tiny cup of Café Cubano for that quick jolt. We’ve come a long way. Historically, in the days of cave dwellers, the only pick-me-up was from a Pterodactyl on lunch patrol.
I consider caffeine to be on par with the printing press and the new Reese’s Jumbo cup, (A mega-sized treat equivalent to four Reese’s King Size Cups) as some of the most important products of our age. The Jumbo Cup will have the capacity to throw a teenager into total sugar reverie for a half day after consumption. On Halloween, if you see what looks like zombie teens lurching down Westward Drive through the night, they’re seeking more of these awesome treats. Open the door, toss a few and get out of the way.
The world’s first coffee house opened in Constantinople in 1475 but closed soon after because the Turks thought that Frappuccino Macchiato was an Italian explorer.
Coffee was declared the National Drink of Colonial America to protest the excessive tax on tea by the British crown. They first protested by ordering de-caffeinated coffee, but to the British, it didn’t have the impact. The previous stimulant was a jolt from Ben Franklin’s kite.
The first Espresso machine was developed by accident early in the 19th century when someone spilled coffee beans into Robert Fulton’s steamboat engine and the pressure produced a blast of coffee so strong that they made the trip from New Orleans to Memphis in 2 hours.
Why do they drive so fast on the Autobahn? Germans are the world’s second largest consumer of coffee; however, Luxembourg takes the prize as having the biggest coffee jones in the world. They consume over 5 cups a day each. We’ve never seen Luxembourg on a map, but a Google live Earth search sees its citizens scrambling around like ants around a fallen bit of guava pastry. We’ll ‘see’ their 5 cups and raise them a single shot of our jolt since we know café Cubano is the equivalent of at least 8 of their regular cups. They drink it to get warm, we drink it for speed.
The oldest caffeinated drink, tea, has been poured in restaurants in China for 5,000 years. It coincides with the discovery of dry cleaning. They set a pot on the table and while pouring, you spill it on the tablecloth.
Everything evolved and now there’s a generation that doesn’t want to wait in line at Starbucks, so the energy drink was born. For that extra big jolt, the main ingredients are extra sugar, more caffeine and guarana, a caffeine like stimulant and probably more sugar.
How do you come up with a name for some of these drinks? Have the focus group consume them for 3 days straight and here come products with names like Kaboom, Crunk and Kronik, Atomic X, Mad Croc, WhooPass, Spaz Juice, Swing Juice, Pimp Juice, Chinese Rocket Fuel, Go Girl, Banzai, Who’s Your Daddy, Wild Buzz and B-A-W-L-S. Put ‘em on the shelves and the younger generation will never slow down! If energy drinks found a niche at retirement communities, you’d see a ten-minute Mah Jong game, an early bird at 2AM and the Century Village People would dance the night away
Yeah, give one to your favorite check out person when there’s a long line and watch the groceries fly past that scanner faster than a paint ball with your name on it. BTW, none of us like self-check-out.
An energy drink is perfect for when you want to stay alert all night long on Halloween so you can glom onto those Reese’s Jumbo Cups to keep you going until 1st period English.
