Gird Yourself Against the Onslaught of Political Detritus

Like it or not, that time of the season has arrived when the sheer number of political messages sent to you equal and then surpass your capacity to delete them.

Shouldn’t political ads have the same type of side effect warnings that pharmaceutical ads do? We should do away with the tiny print on the bottom of the screen and let us hear the announcer intone their facts.

If that ever happened, you’d hear: “Hello, I’m Jim Richman and I’m running for Congress. We need a change in Washington!”

Then you hear upbeat music while the announcer quickly intones: “Electing Richman doesn’t mean he’ll keep promises and he’ll most likely be indebted to all types of special interests including big oil, big pharma, big mining and big cereal. The family portrayed are real people, not actors and they represent a cross section of American families, not necessarily the actual candidate’s family.

With the coming onslaught of political detritus, our media savvy eyeballs will now be able to pore over (Or click away from) an unlimited number of ads appearing on every single platform we can name. You’ll receive more texts than the realtor who wants to sell your house.

The official start of the political season will have voters at the ready with remote or mouse in hand to ‘click away’ the second a political ad surfaces and there will be a biblical flood of them.

There will be a ton of attack ads. Some begin with a music track more associated with ‘living dead’ movies as a very serious announcer intones the transgressions of the opposite side. Toward the end of the spot the music turns upbeat with the favored candidate seen embracing happy people (actors) and looking at the camera with a huge all-knowing smile. Almost like a pharmaceutical ad which shows happy people smiling at each other involved in various outdoor athletic pursuits while battling various diseases you can’t spell or recognize.

Donate $3 to any candidate and your mailbox will start to fill up daily with political surveys and a plea for more money. Do they read your survey answers? Sure, just as soon as that pesky lobbyist gives them a moment.

If TV were around in the 19^th century how would attack ads sound? Cue the musical background to the Frankenstein movie as we hear ‘Lincoln; the people’s candidate. He’s campaigning everywhere. Does he want to appear on our money too?’

When you see the worst grainy black and white image of a candidate you know the attack is imminent. You expect to see large words crawl across the screen ‘and he kick’s dogs too.’

Watching a political debate is like listening to a dysfunctional family member telling you they’re going to change and then ask for a small loan they will surely pay back. And the oceans aren’t rising.

Our election cycle is so lengthy we’ll have more promises broken than a car salesman trying to sell a used Hummer at a Sierra Club convention. If the election cycle persists longer than 4 months, call your doctor. We’re gluttons for punishment. Beat us, whip us and promise us earmarks.

The American election cycle is more than a year-long toothache that can’t be fixed with any amount of Novocain and Florida is once again an epicenter. It’s a twilight Zone political marathon on every channel and you can’t shut it down.

I guess I’m looking forward to shopping catalogues and TV holiday ads.