Summertime is vacation time, which means you’ll be taking some of your clothes to a new location. Commonly called ‘packing’, which is different from the term ‘get packing’, which means you have to leave, but not because you want to.
For some, the worst part of vacation is packing. An average man would rather go with what they’re wearing and buy shorts 3 for $10 and Tee shirts that say “Ban animal testing, it confuses the animals and they fail”
Some people like to start a few days prior to vacation making sure they think through the wardrobe process with different outfits each day. These are the same people who arrange their underwear drawers according to color and/or fabric.
There are certain rules one may follow when planning a vacation. Everyone has favorite clothing they like to wear. It may include those loud shorts and Hawaiian shirt you would never wear around your neighborhood. Some of those rules include not worrying about what or how much to eat. Even if you add an extra couple of pounds, no one will notice except your pants.
Part of that rule for men states that if an article of clothing becomes ripped or tattered you can wear it until people start asking if you’ve either joined a grunge band or starting a new fashion trend. Stop drinking with these people. They’re the type who will stick a finger in a hole in your shirt and rip it wide open.
This does not apply to underwear which may be worn until it literally falls off. A friend had a favorite pair of Fruit of the Looms for so long the only thing left was a label still hanging on to a thick rubber band. Don’t throw away useful items like this. You can start a new trend in headbands.
Set a goal. I allow 10 minutes of packing time for every week away. That way, packing’s a snap and you’ve got a leg up. It’s a wrinkled leg, but chances are no one will know you unless it’s a family function and they already know how badly you dress. Don’t disappoint them!
I don’t worry about how the clothes fit in the suitcase because I know the airport security, if they’re your size, will pick and choose what they want and throw the rest back in, knowing you can’t tell if anything’s missing. When you see someone at the airline counter looking at you and talking into their shoulder, they’re actually reporting to their friend in the baggage area, who also operates a vintage clothing store. After your trip, visit the vintage stores and you’ll pay up to 4 times the original price for those favorite shorts you once owned.
Let us now call an Uber and when it doesn’t arrive, realize it’s because you live too close to the airport for the driver to make any money on you and call a neighbor for a quick trip to the airport for the pleasure of flying. Actually, the only pleasure belongs to the airlines who are making record profits on added fees. Oh, and you’re not gaining weight, the seats are getting closer together and smaller.
This is a picture of:
A, The driver’s seat in a trebuchet
B, The latest chiropractic ‘buddy’ chair
C, A medieval butt whipping machine
Are you sitting down?
In a recent patent filing, plane manufacturer Airbus included diagrams for new standing seats. ‘Standing seat’ is an oxymoron and so are the people who thought this one up.
Think of yourself standing in a crowded bar in one position for a couple of hours. You can never sit down, and really, the more you drink, the more you want a seat.
For short flights this might work, but you have to remain tense for the entire time. If you’re not a body builder your thighs will swell like a goose’s liver in Sarlat, France.
In addition, Boeing is working on adding capacity to its short-haul 737 narrow-body model.
They plan to squeeze in more passengers by reducing the space between seats by two inches. If you get hinky when the passenger next to you takes over the armrest, you’ll go through the paper-thin roof when your arms are pressed against your chest, and you can’t maneuver the glasses out of your shirt pocket without getting a ‘charley horse’.
Avio-interiors of Italy, a manufacturer of airline seats, unveiled a seat shaped like a saddle called the ‘Sky Rider’ that requires standing as well.
The Sky Rider design allows just 23 inches of legroom which is 7 inches less than average coach seating. Passengers would have to sit at an angle with their weight on their legs. Think deep vein thrombosis. Your personal space would be so compressed you’ll have intimate knowledge of the thread count in the seat ahead.
A spokesperson for the manufacturer said, “The seat … is like a saddle. Cowboys can ride for eight hours on their horse during the day and still feel comfortable in the saddle.”
A professional cowboy in the saddle is not a middle-aged deskbound person who only stretches their legs on a trip to the fridge during commercials.
The next category for airline passengers puts you in a hammock. The good news is that if the plane hits an air pocket, you won’t be jerked from your seat into the space above, you’re already there.
Happy traveling!
