It’s June and the start of vacation planning. What’s the worst part of the trip? Getting there! The airlines have diminished our already limited seating space and leg room to be able to cram more people in, for their bottom line. Do we all need to lose weight? Since about one in three Americans are overweight and with the average three seats to a row, your odds of having enough space to sit is at a premium. And speaking of ‘premium’, if you need to fly to a destination, you should have been saving up for that first-class seating on your favorite airline. Don’t have the points? Don’t worry, the airlines have been working on alternative seating arrangements.
This is a picture of:
A, The driver’s seat in a trebuchet
B, The latest chiropractic ‘buddy’ chair
C, A medieval butt whipping machine
Are you sitting down?
In a recent patent filing, plane manufacturer Airbus included diagrams for new standing seats. They should have called these abominations of the devil.
‘Standing seat’ is an oxymoron and so are the people who thought this one up.
Think of yourself standing in a crowded bar. That’s not bad, but you’re on a plane and there’s no bar. You can never sit down, and really, the more you drink, the more you want a seat. For short flights this might actually work, but you have to tense up for the entire time. If you’re not a body builder your thighs will swell like a goose’s liver in Sarlat, France.
In addition, Boeing is working on adding capacity to its short-haul 737 narrow-body model. They plan to squeeze in more passengers by reducing the space between seats by two inches. If you get hinky when the passenger next to you takes over the armrest, you’ll go through the paper-thin roof when your arms are pressed against your chest, and you can’t maneuver the glasses out of your shirt pocket without getting a ‘charley horse’. Avio-interiors of Italy, a manufacturer of airline seats, unveiled a seat shaped like a saddle called the ‘Sky Rider’ that requires standing as well. The Sky Rider design allows just 23 inches of legroom which is 7 inches less than average coach seating.
Passengers would have to sit at an angle with their weight on their legs. Think deep vein thrombosis. Your personal space would be so compressed you’ll have intimate knowledge of the thread count in the seat ahead. Airlines should start utilizing ‘Disney’ marketing and say you must be ‘this small’ to ride. Think of special flights where they can cram hundreds into the new ‘clown seating section’. When the door opens, watch, as they tumble out onto the jetway.
A spokesperson for the manufacturer said, “The seat … is like a saddle. Cowboys ride for eight hours on their horses during the day and still feel comfortable in the saddle.”
A professional cowboy in the saddle is not a middle-aged deskbound person who only stretches their legs on a trip to the fridge during commercials.
The next category for airline passengers will be a less than 100 pounds category and you’ll be in a hammock. The good news is that if the plane hits an air pocket, you won’t be jerked from your seat into the space above, you’re already there.
Happy traveling!
