Dear corporate entity person or your unanswerable email box,
This is a United States Postal Service actual letter. Not an email, text, memo, blog post, instant message or smoke signal. It’s an adult way to let you know I’m serious! I’ve had it! Windows 11 told me, no, shoved its evil corporate electronic booty into my life ( In the middle of the night like a thief) and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it. The carnage it caused to every key stroke I was used to, was gone! I had to relearn basic steps that had been ingrained in my brain for the longest time. I almost had to call a teenager to explain it all.
That’s why I am taking time out of my day, living my busy life and providing for my family to opt out of your kind offer to sign me up for some service or thing by a specific date and if I don’t, probably increase my insurance, a hefty percent with less coverage and spotty service at best unless I hire a lawyer! Let’s start from the top. Why does every single business want your personal information? So they can digitally poke at ya, poke at ya, poke at ya until either you give up some information or go back to using carrier pigeons.
Citizen’s Insurance, the insurance of last resort in the State of Florida has been told to ‘depopulate’. The Florida Legislature (Slogan: Leave no Millionaire Behind) has ‘authorized’ Citizens to rid themselves of policies and therefore exposure. Despite a multi-billion-dollar cash surplus, Citizens say its finances are still precarious. (Got stung by having to pay out funds which could have been used to shore up the bank accounts of company principals)
Maybe the cash surplus numbers went to their (Corporate) head because the expense accounts (Google: Citizen’s insurance executives spend while customers suffer) got so big the company had to say something after board members pushed a controversial plan that would force hundreds of thousands of Florida homeowners to pay more for less coverage. (Welcome to Florida) They chose the lesser of two evils which would be to rid themselves of ‘exposure’.
Every person depicted on their website has a huge smile on their face. Why? These actors are probably the only ones to get a timely check for services.
When I finally reached your ‘customer service’ department (I loved the soothing music on hold. I was able to memorize every note, and it has become my most irritating ‘ear worm’) Donna (Not her real name) told me that my insurance agent said it was OK to send me ‘opt out’ information. (Word up, she didn’t)
I’m thankful the US Postal Service is up to the task because if I had not received your snail mail information (I know why you don’t simply email; you would have been immediately deleted as spam and missed a good ‘business opportunity’) I could not have ‘opted’ and been moved to (Name of insurance company I shouldn’t name) against my will. I looked up your net admitted assets from the financial stability rating. You’ve only got $25 million. That wouldn’t get your executives decent meals at an average Tallahassee watering hole, and you probably wouldn’t be solvent after a basic rain shower. (We’ll need a lawyer when the rain stops)
Yours till Niagara Falls,
Buzz Fleischman
