In 2010 when the Emirate of Qatar was announced as the FIFA location for this year’s World Cup their slogan was “Expect Amazing“. It’s anything but!

Qatar Flag
Qatar Flag

Welcome to glitch-infested FIFA as good will towards gays in Qatar takes a nose-dive in the desert. Forget the slogan. There’s been more bitchin’ and complainin’ in Qatar from attendees than in a MTG tweet.

Is there a silver lining in the desert? In a word, NO! It’s a grand and manly tradition to drink beer at a sporting event but FIFA soccer fans are seething at the sharp U-turn handed them by the repressive regime. Two days prior to the opening of the so-called world class FIFA tournament in Qatar, a small extremist fanatical, religious, cultish, backwards slice of dessert which happens to enjoy an abundance of fuel under its surface, has pulled their God card and demanded a sober event. Were they sober when they spent hundreds of billions on roads to nowhere when the games are over?

Were the Gods of oil angry? Budweiser had already produced enough beer in souvenir cans to float the Qatar navy if it had one. What to do with the unlimited supply? Send it to the Czech Republic where it could slake the thirst of a couple hundred locals?  In the Czech Republic they consume over 37 gallons per capita a year, but maybe not now because Budweiser Beer is to good beer as a Yugo is to a real car. (They drink real beer in Europe)

Qatar is a conservative Muslim nation where alcohol and homosexuality are both generally illegal and if you are even caught glancing in the direction of a man wearing a Givenchy Cashmere scarf carelessly tossed about the shoulders while holding a bottle of Nyquil containing trace elements of alcohol, you’ll be flogged within an inch of your worthless life for disrespecting the wealth and power of Qatar’s rulers.

The last drink you had on the plane has faded into the mist of your memory as you landed and searched for the nearest bar which happens to be in Tel Aviv, Israel. No help there. Islamic law rejects most things Western except technology, so if you’re a woman, take an Uber to that rare hotel bar where liquor is served and ask your male minder to order for you because, well, you’re a woman in a strange land.

Men: don’t even think about a woman if her face is uncovered. They may have psychics roaming the streets trying to pick up the thoughts of horny visitors. In fact, deaden every sense of fair play in your body and slather on the sun block, you’re gonna be a raisin in the sun, drunk or sober.

Now sit back in an over-priced seat or roast the night away, soberly, in a cargo container brightened up with paint and drapes. No AC, running water or top shelf liquor at your beck and call like the moneyed natives enjoy as they scurry from the onerous heat. Qatar spent tons of oil money (200 to 300 billion) to build roads, stadiums and stimulate good will. When it’s over and done there will be some extra stadiums for sale along with useless roads and their good-will can go to hell where it will reside until it freezes over.


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