Can you pass this new citizenship test? Learning history so we don’t repeat our mistakes is a lesson for us all. Let’s make our citizenship test a little easier so test takers have a broad basis of knowledge about their new country and can appreciate its history and, of course, quirks. We’re not revealing all our quirks, we’d like new people to discover them on their own.

We should have questions that give newcomers a proper handle on the day-to-day life in these United States. Two thirds of our citizens cannot pass the test as written. Toronto is not a State. The questions include history, government and general knowledge. We have assembled a group of questions which test the average person’s ability to appreciate what we have here.

The multiple-choice questions could possibly be:

Who is the father of our country?

A, Johnny Appleseed

B, George Washington

C, I don’t know, but the mother should be Bella Hadid

Eli Whitney invented the

A, Steam Engine

B, Cotton Gin

C, Gin and Tonic

Benjamin Franklin flew a kite in a thunderstorm because

A, He wanted to prove the existence of electricity in the atmosphere

B, He wanted to be in the world’s first wet T shirt contest

C, He had been drinking with other founding fathers and thought it was a fun idea

Where does Congress conduct the business of the country?

A, Washington D.C.

B, St. Simon’s Island, Georgia

C, The nearest lobbyist office on K Street.

Why did the pilgrims come to America?

A, British Airways had a sale

B, The Pilgrims heard we had good dentists

C, The Indians encouraged gambling

The date for the first Pilgrims Thanksgiving

A, Would coincide with the harvest

B, When they decided what merchandise they would put on sale to the Indians

C, So the Pilgrims would have a full 6 weeks of shopping until Christmas

If a wall is built on the Mexican border, what would the proper immigration etiquette be?

A, Go around the wall

B, Go over the wall

C, Go under the wall

Johnny and Mary-Beth, two middle class Americans, lived in 4 States and moved 6 times in 3 years because outsourcing eliminated their jobs. How many times will they have to move to find a good job at a decent wage?

A, You mean there are still people in the middle class?

B, two words, LaHore, India.

C, The question isn’t an immigration issue; we just wanted to make a point about the shrinking middle class.

For the 10 items only lane at the supermarket

A, You must use cash

B, You must purchase at least 10 items to get out of the store

C, a dozen eggs still count as one item

One of the questionable questions on the citizenship test is about the minimum wage. We all know that it’s probably too little, but what’s the maximum wage?

A, More than you’ll ever make

B, More than anyone you know will ever make

C, Not enough for a greedy CEO

When arriving at a stop sign one must

A, Actually be driving a car

B, Slow to 15 miles per hour if in a school zone

C, Stop twice if you blew through the previous one

How long is a Senators term?

A, 2 years

B, 6 years

C, Until they make headlines that include an aide, a secretary or get caught in a rest room with an under-age person.

President’s Day is celebrated in February because

A, That’s the month our most beloved President’s, Washington and Lincoln were born.

B, Aside from Valentine’s Day there were very few long sale weekends

C, It’s the start of the Feb. white sales.

The holiday Americans love most is any long weekend which coincides with:

A, a sale on bedding.

B, a sale on beer

C, another sale on beer

New York City is known as the big:

A, Apple

B, Cheese

C, Deal


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