Have you noticed that TV ads for pharmaceuticals used to tell you to Ask your doctor? Now they’re saying Tell your doctor. That’s a little ballsy, isn’t it? Here you are with a high school education and the information from a TV commercial, (Real patients, not actors) telling a person who has more schooling than the entire State of Georgia what kind of care you’ll need. Might as well just go to WebMD, clean your kitchen knives, get a bottle of 150 proof alcohol and do your own operation. A little risky but no co-pay!
In our quest to stay healthy and out of doctor’s waiting rooms filled with people who need to ask their doctor we discovered new rules in our Medical coverage.
It is known as ‘Part EB’ (Early Bird). The Early Bird component of Medicare doesn’t kick in at the normal 65 years of age. It doesn’t care how old you really are. It kicks in at a specific time of the day and it’s just what the doctor ordered for older patients. (opens in a new tab)
If you get sick before 6PM or prior to when the early bird kicks in where you live, you’re covered. Make sure that your emergency call doesn’t run into post early bird time (Later Bird) or you’re out of luck. You may lose coverage. Later that night though, some doctor’s offices will sign you in from an earlier time zone just to get the business.
If your ailment doesn’t rise to the level of an emergency, the second-tier coverage includes care givers who should know how to treat various minor problems. If you don’t need to go to the emergency room or an urgent care facility, there’s the non-emergency but I’m Still Scared portion called Maybe Care. Maybe Care is the level of care you would get from your favorite aunt when you stub your toe or need a band-aid for a scrape. Maybe Care kicks in when there are no medical professionals to take care of you, yet you need a kind shoulder to lean on when and if your nose stops bleeding. The level of care depends on your payment plan. The sicker you get, the more you pay. It’s the easiest way to see how your lifestyle affects your bottom line.
If you’re signed up for Part EB or even the Maybe Care component and after an initial consultation you can check into the affiliated facility, Joe’s Hospital and Diner®, the Diner with the Big Red-Cross®. It’s the only medical facility with a professional kitchen staff on the premises 24/7.
For just about anything that’s wrong, you’ll get 1 doctor, a registered waitress and all the beer and wine you can drink. In effect you’re getting Blue Cross, Blue Shield and an average wine, Blue Nun.
The coverage is only $99. a year, and here’s the best part. If you pass away on the operating table, there’s no co-pay! While you’re under, they’ll let a ‘sous chef’ remove any nearby organ for just an additional penny, hopefully not an organ you’ll need. It’s a teaching hospital and like a lot of private schools in Florida, unaccredited, which means the chef may leave some additional scars while he hunts around for your liver. No extra charge!
If you signed up for Medicare Part EB PLUS! You may also enjoy a free dessert of your choice. Joe’s employs a reciprocal agreement with selected airlines.
A passenger/patient who doesn’t have decent medical insurance need only buy a ticket to Orlando and, while going through security, get a full body scan thrown in. The airlines don’t care where you go as long as you’re properly screened. They just add a printer to the unit and bingo, extra revenue for them and an inexpensive medical scan for you. What about dental? Stick your head in the machine and get a full set of uppers and lowers instead of paying $100 for an x-ray from your dentist.
That’s Joe’s Hospital and Diner®, the Diner with the Big Red-Cross®!