Scene: Two native Americans of the Wampanoag People, who had lived on the Eastern coast of America for about10,000 years before the Europeans arrived, are speaking about a ship landing in their Massachusetts harbor in 1620.

Native American number 1, “There goes the neighborhood!”

Native American number 2, “With any luck they’ll like to gamble!”

Immigration has been the lifeblood of this country since before its inception as a nation. Throughout our history, people from foreign lands have made their way to our borders for a chance at The American Dream which includes pumpkin spice coffee.

Policies change through the years and in its outreach to the people who ‘newly people’ our country, Washington has decided to make the citizenship test longer and much harder to pass.

Do they not want people to arrive, get legal, and contribute to the national economy? Maybe not right now because they have nearly doubled naturalization fees as well.

There’s now a time limit for the test. If you can complete it in less than an hour, you’ll get to bring the relative of your choice. Remember, this is satire.

As a service to the public, we have gotten an advance copy of the new questions.

Some questions were gathered to form a basic knowledge of American culture through the years with the acknowledgement that most citizens are glued to their TV screens all day long and had a hard time passing basic geography.

Sharpen your pencil and your sense of humor, because here we go!

1, What is the current population of the country as of 9AM today? Must score within 150 people.

2, Did George Washington really chop down that cherry tree or was it just fake news?

3, There are 100 Senators comprising the U.S. Senate and 435 in the House of Representatives, do they ever agree?

A, No

B, Not really

C, it’ll be a miracle when it happens

4, Break down the numbers of immigrants from Asia, Europe and South America                      according to height.

5, Give three reasons why the Dakotas were split into two states.

6, What type of trees did Johnny Appleseed plant?

7, Was America discovered or was it always there?

8, The Louisiana Purchase refers to:

A, any purchase made in the State of Louisiana

B, an enormous tract of land the government bought with the intention of building a house on it someday.

C, the country couldn’t get a qualified contractor to call them back.

9, A rock band with all their equipment tied to the roof of their station wagon leaves Philadelphia and heads west to Barstow Ca at 9AM . When will they arrive?

A, Wednesday morning at 5 O’clock as the day begins

B, The gig was cancelled

C, They thought Barstow was in Pennsylvania

10, Pronounce ‘Des Moines’, a city in Iowa, correctly, for an extra 5 points.

Bonus question, if you have ‘Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’, you have a….

A, Fear of long words

B, Fear of hippos

C, I knew English was going to be hard!

Have a happy and healthy thanksgiving with loved ones and if its over zoom, tell uncle Fred to put on some pants.


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