We spotted a couple of larger iguanas, one of them toting a box of Lemon Zinger tea bags slung over its shoulder, walking nonchalantly to the pool and sticking its toe in the water. Satisfied that the temperature was perfect, it looked up, surprised to see us but then maliciously ripped open the box and started dipping the tea bags in as it watched the water turn blueish to brownish. The second iguana started cutting up lemons and arranging a small area for a tea party for a friendly raccoon or some frogs. Has the world turned upside down or gotten so hot that disparate animals banded together for common protection against the elements? We were shocked that only a few Lemon Zinger tea bags could turn 15,000 gallons into a tea party.


Despite much provoking, the dog, who would normally chase the cat decided to text a mischievous note instead of running in the hot sun. Have we learned to adapt to our environment as well as the animals? At this point would the termites decide the wood was too hot to chew? No such luck!

Thank goodness for ‘Tree City’ where, due to solar radiation, it feels 10-15 degrees warmer under our trees than the actual temperature. If only the dog would walk herself.

Are you now or have you ever been a climate change denier? Here’s some info that’ll make you hotter under the collar. The planet has experienced its hottest days since records have been kept and we’re only at the beginning of our summer.

We have now experienced the worse heat surge since Nero fiddled in Rome. If we can only stop people from ‘going’ in the ocean and raising the water temperature which melts the ice caps, which raises the ocean levels, which causes fish we’d rather not eat to swim in our streets during high tide, then we’ve accomplished the very least we are capable of doing to stem the ever-widening gap between us and total annihilation as a planet. Thank goodness some are doing what they can to stop this insidious water incursion impacting our inalienable right to throw plastic into the ocean. Miami Beach is coping with sea level rise in a unique way.

Miami Beach Jetty
Miami Beach Jetty

With the onset of sea level rise, The City of Miami Beach has declared city streets commercial fishing zones during the hours of king tide and will start issuing licenses to all residents. Crabbing is free, however, and can take place from Alton Road east to Washington Avenue, though not during any major events. “Crabs sidling in the street are a public menace and we encourage residents to catch them whenever they can.” stated a city memo to employees. We’re going under, but at least we’ll be able to catch what swims by.

“You just hold a net in the gutter and the fish swimming by will be yours” said Alfredo ‘Justo’ Baclava. “There was a giant squid trying to board the South Beach local bus. It didn’t have the correct change, so I caught him as he slid back off the bus steps. He’ll be dinner with a side of slaw.”

While residents cannot deny the sea level has been slowly inexorably rising, the Governor, a climate change denier, has issued a change of policy. Florida Department of Environmental Protection employees, contractors and volunteers have been told they can say the words ‘climate change’ and ‘global warming’, but only on their days off and only in French.

Universal Studios might want to partner with Miami Beach and create a new theme park adventure called Awash with Adventure! (You must be this tall and be able to swim) The worst news of all is that termites get hungrier as the weather gets hotter. If we can train them to munch plastic…..hmmmm!



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