Dawn sees the Sun rising over the horizon in the East, arcing across the sky, and through the course of an Earth day, slowly sinking into the west. One could assume, if they were living under a rock and had never had a thought that went deeper than wondering if ZZ Top will ever trim their beards, that the sun orbits the earth. Some may also think the Earth is flat, but according to a meme going around, if it were, cats would have pushed everything off the edge!

There’s a shocking finding coming from a survey conducted by the National Science Foundation. The survey, done every two years, tests the public’s knowledge of basic facts in the physical and biological sciences. With the current inability to think, a quarter of all Americans don’t get it. They truly feel that the sun orbits the Earth.

That skewed thinking by many may have its roots in the heliocentric theory which positioned the sun as the center of the universe as many believe. Books have been printed since then and scientists have posited dependable assumptions based on facts which accurately prove our roundness. However, when the sun spews CME’s at us (Coronal Mass Ejections) and threatens our very usage of the cellphone as entertainment and diversion, we disavow its life-giving nurture and pull back to a simpler time in our lives when the words Honey and Boo Boo were separate and distinct.

We don’t wish to think of our sun as a celestial parent, angry at our transgressions and willing to punish us for texting while driving with a CME for example. I think the sun would punish us for a much worse transgression like posting pictures of our meals on Facebook.

We’d like to take the word of those who call themselves ‘scientists’ and hope they have graduated from a school that at least has the words American and/or Institute and/or Not a Diploma Mill in its title. We tend to believe what scientists, astro-physicists and astronomers tell us, like the one about Pluto not really being a planet but a large rock in the Kuiper Belt. (Note to self: Thanks to Hubble Space telescope’s discovery that Pluto has 5 orbiting moons there are astronomers that are pushing for it to be re-established as our 9th Planet. Don’t you want Pluto back?

OK, we can let it slide that many feel that belief equals science, and the Earth came into existence 6,000 years ago in the most glorious balloon filled grand opening in the universe. That wasn’t the case, because the balloon wasn’t even invented until 1824.

A common question is “If humans evolved from apes why do we still have apes?” The answer is simple. The world doesn’t need a second banana in a world of primates. We didn’t co-exist with the dinosaurs either. Contrary to the opinion of some, the Flintstones were not based on a true story. Fact check: The Earth revolves around the Sun at the tremendous speed of about 18 miles a second so if patrol motorman DON MAZZONE were still working traffic here, he would have to start writing the ticket in July and wouldn’t be finished for 178 years. We keep fast company on this planet!

Retired Officer Don Mazzone at right.
Retired Officer Don Mazzone at right.

Writer’s note: Satire is a humorous instrument for the enlightenment and edification of the intelligent masses. It is a way to bring to the public forum the foibles of the reigning classes and the shortcomings of humanity wherever and whatever they might be and should only be perceived as a truncheon of wit designed to bring a smile and an arched eyebrow to those who ‘get it.’

Having a sense of humor is supportive to good health, but not recognizing that fact and further railing against it in a destructive way is harmful to us all. We must, as a people, continue to promote a healthy attitude toward those who convey ‘suitable satire’ for the benefit of all.



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