Is the shopping season really over? You’re doing such a good job of separating yourself from your money and that’s what all the scammers want as well……your money!

Beware of deals that are too good to be true. You can’t get a 2 week vacation in Aruba for $99.95. All they want is your personal information. Google safe browsing can’t save you from making bad buying decisions. Fake charities: The ‘Natural Causes Research Foundation’ is a dead giveaway. When you click on a link you open your wallet to the world. Don’t click on a link. If only phising emails would include some real facts about the sender. In a magnanimous gesture, we have done that for you.

Hello,
I am Gregory Wheeler, (You can’t pronounce my real name, but doesn’t this one sound all American?) Recruitment Specialist with Sights On Service Inc. (We made up the title and company, but you’re still reading) “We have a mystery shopping assignment in your area and we would like you to participate”. (We are definitely-not in your area and don’t care where you live)

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We are a charter member of the Mystery Shopping Provider’s Association (MSPA) (The only mystery is who we actually are) There is no charge to apply to be a Secret Shopper® and information is protected. (The ‘registered’ mark gives us credibility and your info will be passed around like a joint at 4:20 in Colorado.)

 

Secret Shopper® is accepting applications for qualified individuals. (If you’re stupid, you qualify) It’s fun and rewarding, and you choose when and where you want to shop. (Are visions of forays to Victoria’s Secret and Bloomingdales popping into your head yet?)

You’ll need this for a clever shopping disguise

You are never obligated to accept an assignment and you do not need previous experience. (The only obligation is that you fall for this scheme)

After you sign up, you will have access to training materials via e-mail, fax or postal mail. (Training you how to shop? Are you getting it yet?)

Continual investment in the latest internet and communication technologies coupled with over 16 years of know-how means working with Secret Shopper® is a satisfying and rewarding experience. (We’re trying to stay one step ahead of INTERPOL)

Nearly 1,000 shoppers have registered this week, (We can’t believe there are that many idiots out there) performing millions of mystery shops. Note to self: at this point there could be more mystery shoppers than actual customers.  

Stores and organizations such as The Gap, Walmart, Pizza Hut and Bank One amongst many others pay for Secret Shoppers to shop in their establishments and report their experiences. (You can just imagine yourself ordering at Pizza Hut and then counting the number of pepperoni on an average slice)

On top of being paid for shopping you are also allowed to keep purchases for free. (Wait a minute, I’m putting on my hip boots. The s#*t is getting really deep)

Secret Shopper® has available for immediate assignment an inspection of customer service in any Walmart in your area. (OKAY, ‘customer service in Walmart’. If that doesn’t give you a clue, you’re hopeless. If you’re standing around the check-out line to observe customer service transactions, you’ll find yourself explaining to a store manager that you’re getting paid to do this. You’ll have to explain it again to store security and to the nice person who’s booking you into jail.

Kindly Fill Out the application form below and we will get back to you shortly with the assignment:

According to our disclosure policy; name, address, SS#, current bank, types of accounts, access # to Paypal account, any other relevant financial information will never be revealed to anyone outside of our immediate corporate family. You can bet on it!

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Buzz Fleischman is a Humorist and singer/songwriter of ‘irregular songs for regular people’ and a character actor who has appeared in and voiced TV commercials and radio. He currently hosts and produces the Joltradio.org interview show “On the Record and Off the Wall’. http://www.joltradio.org/artist/on-the-record-and-off-the-wall-with-buzz-fleischman Buzz was the humorist on the NPR affiliate WLRN for 12 years and has been a featured speaker for significant local and national conferences, conventions and organizations. He is a docent at the Curtiss Mansion and is fascinated by the history of Miami Springs and its interesting residents. http://www.theradiobuzz.com

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