The bucket list, a phenomenon that came about when the 2007 movie ‘The Bucket List’ with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, two men dying of terminal cancer, decided to live life to the fullest before ‘Kicking the Bucket’. The phrase was coined by the movie’s screenwriter, Justin Zackham in 1999 who wrote a list of once-in-a-lifetime experiences called “Justin’s List of Things to do Before I Kick the Bucket”. It wasn’t until the movie’s release that the term gained widespread notoriety.
People started realizing they had not done all the things they wanted to do in life. It was a ‘wish list’ of un-done fantasies and childhood dreams. What about the things they never wanted to do? I call it the Un-Bucket list: this is mine:
Never take singing lessons from Yoko Ono.
Never join the Junior Varsity bomb defusal team.
Never try to yodel after getting Novocain.
Never stand near an open window in the Kremlin.
Certainly, never travel with Prigozhin.
I will never start a Facebook post with the words Before I Die.
I will also never post a picture of my lunch on Facebook.
Never un-friend a psychotic serial killer from my neighborhood.
I will never walk near the everglades carrying a pet Chihuahua during python season.
Never tell someone who has had a few café Cubanos to slow down!
Never turn down Novocain to impress the dental assistant.
Not paint my face (Or body) for a football game.
And never go bowling on Shirtless Tuesday.
I will never buy a ‘bogo’ I don’t need, simply because it’s a ‘bogo’.
If drinking heavily, I will never get a tattoo to join the crowd.
Never get stuck in an elevator with Jared Kushner.
Never wear a skin-tight bicycle suit in Miami in August.
Will never reject gluten in any form at least until I break out.
Never jump from a perfectly good plane.
Never bungee jump (See above)
Never get so close to a tornado that I can get a great picture.
Never try to drag race a small car with a loud muffler.
Never binge watch Tiger King
Never assume the person behind me will stop when the light ahead turns yellow.
Never watch a reality show with self-centered ‘wives’ who were not good enough for any other type of entertainment presentation.
Never pick up an undone Rubik’s Cube.
Never accept a time share in Uganda
Never swing into a body of water from a tree at low tide.
Never take a lesson in fire breathing.
Don’t take part in a haggis eating contest.
Never join the Polar Bear club.
Never drive out of the zip code while any other cars are on the road.
Never write another column with so many nevers.
