Three Pseudomopsseptentrionalis walk into a bar, patrons run out screaming.
As if we didn’t already have enough cockroaches in South Florida, there’s a new beast in town. Our roster of invasive species is tops in the country. Yeah, we’re number one in so many dubious categories we might as well be Congress. Have we all calmed down from the python scare in the Everglades? Those top predators, although not un-friendly to humans, have been relegated to the back pages, that is, until the next poodle meets an inglorious end.
From giant African land snails to Brazilian pepper trees, to your cousins from Cleveland, invasive species cost Florida half a billion dollars a year to control. It doesn’t always work, especially when the cousins insist you drive them to South Beach to photograph the last remaining public parking space.
Am I saying your relatives are an invasive species? Not by definition. They leave after a few weeks. Why not take them to the Everglades where we host other invasive species and let them sort it out.
The worst of these are the Burmese Pythons who, set free to grow and consume, started out as small harmless pet snakes for those who felt hamsters were just too wimpy. They can grow to be 40 feet and weigh 400 pounds, or the equivalent of the average Chinese gymnastics team.
Even the occasional disquieting glimpse of so-called real housewives, as we flip the channel don’t replace disturbing mental images of slithering serpents crawling up into our toilets from pipes leading to who knows what, waiting to snap at us in the middle of the night. (That’s right: worse than the fear of public speaking)
Environmental scientist Marc Minno spotted an interesting-looking bug in Florida. Upon further inspection, he realized this was no beetle. It was a cockroach. “It was black and orange red, with yellow along the margins of the wings,” he says. “It was actually pretty and very distinctive. I wanted to enter it into the ‘Best Looking Bug’ contest but too many Tallahassee legislators have the title already.
Minno learned that he’d spotted a pale-bordered field cockroach, so he contacted the Florida State Collection of Arthropods (FSCA) in Gainesville, which confirmed the roach species had never been seen in Florida up to now!
From giant African land snails to Argentine tegu lizards and Brazilian pepper trees, Florida is a notorious magnet for invasive species from all over the world. Many of these species threaten marine, freshwater, and land habitats.
According to the Nature Conservancy, the cost of managing Florida’s invasive plants alone is estimated at $100 million each year. If we could take that amount and purchase all the Roach Motels on the planet and line them up end to end on our border with Georgia we’d be in better shape.
We’re a tree city and a protected bird sanctuary. We love our animals, even the ones we don’t own like Muscovy ducks. What’s the difference between a duck and a goose? We learn that in kindergarten when we play duck duck goose, a game that captures the attention of young children for about 12 seconds. The kids then start complaining and pick up a video game for some real fun.
Let’s think about the Muscovy ducks (Largest duck in North America) that cross our roads and byways causing traffic to stop. Traffic is foreign to residents of Mayberry and is the reason we don’t leave the zip code during peak travel times. Muscovy ducks are considered an invasive species, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. They are native only to southern Texas and are considered invasive in all other states. That could mean it is open season on the ducks in Miami Springs. Muscovy ducks are not a protected species in Florida, but they can only be disposed of humanely under state animal cruelty laws. In other words, a ‘humane’ whacking, not part of a game to see if the duck can escape your moving vehicle. So, what’s the difference between a duck and a goose? Try making that determination as you patiently wait for the fowl to decide on how fast to move across the street in front of you and hope you’re not in a hurry.
