The China Space Agency has landed its third probe on the moon. Are they looking for some breathing room?

A senior technician with their space program, Who Ahm Hai, offered “We were just trying to escape the smoke and traffic and it was the only clean place left”

At least 3 more Chinese moon landings will be planned. Their second effort included a soft-landing but it was on the far side of the moon, which had already been copyrighted by the Rock group Led Zeppelin. The lander was then towed by South Beach Towing to an undisclosed location where the fines could add up to equal the GNP of Indonesia.

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The rocket, a Won Ton and a Half ship named Sweet and Sour Torque took off from an undisclosed location. Favorable winter winds cleared away the smog so the rocket would be more easily seen by the launch crew. A crew member said, “We saw it for a short time last summer, but when we looked away, the smog rolled-back and it was gone again.” With so many people in their country, it was easy to enlist a few thousand for the winding of the giant rubber band which was the sole propellant for lunar travel.

When the 3 metric ton rubber band was fully wound for take-off, the rocket did take off like a rocket. Unfortunately, the rubber band reached its stretching limit and broke as it propelled the rocket up and over the launch truck. In an instant, more than 1200 people were out of work and on their way to a hospital for some rubber removal and an assortment of welts. “That’s the last time we’ll order anything from a web site we don’t know” said a senior technician. The rocket did have enough lift power due to the combination fuel mixed with 30% hot and sour soup.

When it finally reached the Moon, there was a surprise in the dust of the Far Side® (Copyright Gary Larson). The camera showed a set of what looked like tire tracks nearby the landing site. Chinese officials determined that it looked like the tracks of a ’64 Buick Skylark Convertible which was almost impossible because the gas mileage the car could achieve would have never allowed it to go as far as the Moon, even when the moon was full so it could be seen more easily in the night sky. The tracks were, in fact made by a ’63 Pontiac Tempest. The rest of the story including the definition of a limited slip differential, can be read in a transcript of the courtroom scene in the movie My Cousin Vinny.

Excited at the prospect of space travel, a spokesperson said “If we can go to the moon in the freezing cold of space, just think of how easy it will be to travel through Mongolia in the winter”

So far there are three Chinese lunar vehicles on the Moon. The 2nd lunar lander, a 2- cylinder 3 wheeled converted commercial delivery vehicle, will deploy and explore the surface. “We saved a ton of money on that decision” said a spokesperson. “and by the time we go back to the moon, we’ll also have a way to deliver good hot Chinese food to the other astronauts”. Some Moo Goo Gai Pan will give the astronauts a taste of home and not to worry, there’s no added MSG. Once it lands, the electric/motorized hybrid will belch black smoke to mark its territory. In a nod to Chinese driving habits, its horn will be activated upon landing and despite no other vehicles present, will begin to beep constantly until the batteries run out. “We should have used Duracells but the budget wasn’t there, so, just like everything else, we ‘knocked them off ‘mentioned an un-named source.

The effort marks a major milestone in the country’s ambitions to explore places it has never been, like an Amnesty International rally.

 

 

 

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Buzz Fleischman is a Humorist and singer/songwriter of ‘irregular songs for regular people’ and a character actor who has appeared in and voiced TV commercials and radio. He currently hosts and produces the Joltradio.org interview show “On the Record and Off the Wall’. http://www.joltradio.org/artist/on-the-record-and-off-the-wall-with-buzz-fleischman Buzz was the humorist on the NPR affiliate WLRN for 12 years and has been a featured speaker for significant local and national conferences, conventions and organizations. He is a docent at the Curtiss Mansion and is fascinated by the history of Miami Springs and its interesting residents. http://www.theradiobuzz.com

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